Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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