I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
