I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
