I wanna bring you to show and tell
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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