im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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