Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize