It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
