im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
