I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
