how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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