i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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