You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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