i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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