all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
