What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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