She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Acid is not a monday night drug
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize
