someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Acid is not a monday night drug
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's never too late to be topless.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
