I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
