I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
How does it feel to date your dad?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
