Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
