people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
