Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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