genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Semen is not good for contacts.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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