if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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