this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
