While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
