the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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