saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
