When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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