the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
