remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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