i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
