Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
