Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
