this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
