DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
