; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
