apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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