I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
