Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
