I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
How drunk are you?
Completed.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
