i wish peter jackson would direct porn
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
