look no pants
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
