the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm really busy with my period
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