Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
