ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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