Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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