Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
