If i come over, it means nothing
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
