i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
