i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
