I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize