I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
