i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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