Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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