Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
