i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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