She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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