I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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