The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
