You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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