Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
