Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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