awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wish you could order shots online.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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