I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
