um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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