Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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