she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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