white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I smell stomach acid.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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