she takes plan B like it's going out of style
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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