I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
