yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
