Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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