thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
