I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
