This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize