i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
