I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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