I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
