Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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