He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
